


Kiss Me Babe, It's Christmas Time

by eyessharpweaponshot



Series: Chopped: The 100 Fanfic Challenge [3]
Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Single Parent Clarke Griffin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21942832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyessharpweaponshot/pseuds/eyessharpweaponshot
Summary: "How long have you been in love with him? Seven years now?""Eight," Clarke corrects him, her voice muffled through her hands as she cups her face. She’s still trying to calm her heart rate down.Murphy simply laughs, his amusement of this clear as day."Don’t know what you’re laughing at. You were in the same boat with Raven," Clarke reminds him."Not for eight years, I wasn’t."Clarke rolls her eyes. She should never have told Murphy. The results of too much wine and being the last ones standing after a night in Grounders a couple of years ago."Look, all I’m saying is it might be worth telling him." He shrugs, leaning against the broom in his hand.Clarke gives him a pointed look. "Nobody is telling Bellamy anything."Christmas time, a harbouring secret and a festive get-together. The perfect combination.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller, John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre
Series: Chopped: The 100 Fanfic Challenge [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1443091
Comments: 42
Kudos: 362
Collections: Chopped: Holiday Trope Exchange 1.0





	Kiss Me Babe, It's Christmas Time

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Chopped, The 100 Fanfic Challenge. This is part of the _Holiday Trope Exchange_.
> 
> The tropes I was assigned to include in this fic were:  
> 1\. One character has a child  
> 2\. Characters are not together but are mistaken for a couple  
> 3\. Terribly loud crash and one character goes ‘oops’ in a casual voice  
> 4\. Two characters giving extremely biased flashbacks of the same event
> 
> I was also asked to include Bellarke and Murven/Braven if I could. It also had to be set around the holidays/winter.
> 
> Chapter title is from the song 'Kiss Me Babe, It's Christmas Time' by Owl City.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and that it makes you smile.  
> Happy holidays, everyone.

Unity Day is always a special day.

Clarke waits for it all year long, like a child waiting for Santa on Christmas morning.

It’s a day spent with her closest friends and her daughter, exchanging gifts and getting into the festive mood. Honestly, for her, nothing beats it. It fills her heart with excitement and happiness every time she even thinks about it. And like every year, she wants it to be perfect.

"What about this?" she asks Bellamy, who has his nose stuck in a scented candle across the aisle.

He pops his head up, eyeing the model of a space rocket in Clarke’s hand and shrugs one shoulder. Clarke rolls her eyes, no real heat behind it and puts the item back down. Raven is definitely the hardest person to buy for - she has literally everything.

"She’ll love whatever you pick, Reyes is easily pleased." Bellamy places the candle back down before shoving his hands into his jacket pockets, dragging himself back over beside her.

Clarke scoffs. "Easy for you to say. I bet you have your Secret Santa gift bought since July."

Bellamy smirks, confirming that she’s right. He pulls her in with how he looks at her, practically smouldering without realising it. She wonders if there will ever be a day where her stomach doesn't flip at the mere sight of him.

"Come on, I know exactly what she’d want."

"This is why I need you with me," Clarke says, following the broad width of Bellamy’s shoulders through the aisles of the store.

He’s still as attractive as he was in high school - the same freckles, the same dark curls. Bellamy Blake is her best friend, through and through. It’s probably stupid to admit, but he’s a big reason of why she loves Unity Day so much - he brings everyone together. Well, him and Madi.

Their friends come around to Clarke’s place religiously on this day every year, no matter what other plans they have going on. It’s rare that, outside of this day, all of them can get into the same room. The joys of growing older. Work commitments take some of them while personal lives claim the rest.

Harper and Monty are having a baby soon, Raven and Jackson both work ridiculous and unsociable hours and Miller helps his dad with the security company most days. The only ones that Clarke can rely on to see regularly are Murphy and Bellamy.

Murphy, because he’s a guy who fell on his feet by inheriting a string of properties, means he doesn’t have to work as much as the rest of them. He is usually free and likes to mooch around Clarke’s house in his spare time. She can’t complain about him too much though, he helps her out a lot with Madi when she has to work.

And Bellamy…well, Bellamy is Bellamy. If Clarke didn’t see him at least every second day, she’d lose her mind. They seem to be high on each other’s list of priorities and always seem to find excuses to hang out. He volunteers to collect Madi from school on his days off and in return, Clarke cooks him a hearty meal at least three times a week. It’s a steady system, allowing Clarke to spend time with her best friend more than necessary.

The others though, she’s lucky if she sees them once a month. It’s why Unity Day is so important to her, to them all. They miss each other. It’s normal for friends to drift apart after high school - but to lose touch altogether? _No_. They promised one another it would never happen and now, almost a decade later, the tradition of uniting is still ongoing.

The night consists of Secret Santa and eating too much candy and pizza. In earlier years, they’d meet at Grounders - their old favourite bar. Now, with Madi being the prime focus of the entire evening, the group joins at Clarke’s place. They use the opportunity to decorate for Christmas and Madi adores it - having all of her favourite people in the one room, dressing the tree and enjoying one another’s company.

It usually involves Murphy complaining about how hard it was to load the tree into the truck and Bellamy spending too long unravelling every section of the Christmas lights, but God, Clarke loves every minute. Almost as much as her daughter does.

She left it far too late to do Secret Santa shopping though, the big night just a few couple of days away. It’s why she had to enlist the help of Bellamy - if there’s anyone to get the job done, it’s him.

They end up on the opposite side of the store and Clarke is instantly reminded of how much she hates this time of year when it comes to retail. Everywhere is overcrowded, wedged with shoppers who have the same goal in mind as Clarke - finishing their Christmas shopping. _Maybe she should have bought this in July_.

As always, Bellamy comes to her rescue by extending his hand out behind him. Her fingers grab onto his as he leads her through the sea of bodies and she tries to ignore the electricity that burns her from where they touch. Her heart jumps when he checks over his shoulder, making sure she’s okay and she has to remind herself to breathe - God, she’s so gone for him. Another thing that has never changed.

When they reach the clothes section, Bellamy’s hand falls from hers as he takes on his search and Clarke immediately misses the contact. She wishes they could be a couple, walking hand in hand around the stores at Christmas time. That’s something she’s used to imagining, though.

"See? Perfect." Bellamy takes a red leather jacket off a hanger after only a few seconds of browsing.

And he’s right - _it is perfect_. It has Raven Reyes written all over it.

"Oh my God, Bellamy - you’re an actual lifesaver!" Clarke whips the jacket off him, her voice high in delight. He’s the best at picking out gifts.

"Wow, your boyfriend has good taste," a middle-aged woman with frizzy hair comments, her gaze flicking adoringly between Clarke and Bellamy.

Heat instantly rises to Clarke’s cheeks and a quick glance at Bellamy tells her that he’s feeling just as awkward.

"Oh no, it’s not like-" Clarke begins.

"We’re not…" Bellamy says at the same time as her.

The woman’s cheery smile falls into a confusion and after what feels like an hours worth of silence, Bellamy sighs and the tension bleeds into the air around them.

"The jacket is for a friend," he says, a resigned smile on his face. Clarke knows he’s trying not to make the woman feel bad for implying that they’re a couple.

"Oh," the woman nods, the cheery smile right back on her face. "Well, perhaps something a little more sparkly for your girl this Christmas then." She waggles her finger and winks at Clarke before heading on her way.

Even after the woman has gone, Clarke knows her cheeks are still as red as the jacket. The air is thick between them and she can see Bellamy shuffling on his feet. It wasn’t a big deal, it _shouldn’t_ be a big deal. Why is it so awkward to be mistaken for a couple? Clarke can’t even meet Bellamy’s eye - maybe because if she did, he’d be able to read the want in her own. The want to be a couple, to be openly in love with him and not give a damn. She doesn’t have that luxury, though. She has Madi to think about - and how much things would go to shit if Clarke ever opened her mouth. She can’t afford to lose Bellamy, he’s too important to her and Madi.

"Uh, so," she clears her throat. "I’m going to get this and then we can get out of here."

Her words are rushed and even though she’s smiling, Clarke knows that Bellamy can read the discomfort on her face as clear as she’s feeling it.

'Ok, yeah, sounds good." He nods curtly, his hand rubbing circles on the back of his neck as he follows her towards the checkout.

Clarke relies on the coolness of the jacket between her fingers to ground her but it does nothing when she can feel Bellamy’s burning gaze on her back the entire way out of the store.

* * *

Murphy and Raven are the first to arrive at Clarke’s house, equipped with a round tub of Christmas cookies, the tree tied to the back of Murphy’s truck, their Secret Santa gifts and an extra present for Madi.

Clarke smiles, rolling her eyes fondly. She tells her friends every year about not bringing something for Madi - they already give her a gift for Christmas day. Yet, every year, all of them still show up with something for her daughter on Unity Day. It’s sweet.

"Murphy!" Madi squeals, racing forward and diving straight into Murphy’s open arms while Clarke closes the door behind them. It’s freezing outside, the icy chill blowing through the house.

"I still don’t understand how he’s the favourite," Raven says to Clarke as she leans in to give her a hug. It’s tight, conveying that Raven has missed Clarke almost as much as she’s missed her.

"Me either." Clarke chuckles, smiling wider when Madi detaches herself from Murphy and gives a big hug to Raven. She loves them all, despite her favourite being the hooligan of the group.

"What can I say? Just the effect I have on people." Murphy gives Clarke a pat on the shoulder as he walks by.

"There’s chocolate in the fridge." Clarke rolls her eyes again as Murphy already makes his way into her kitchen, on the hunt for something sweet.

Madi skips along behind him, probably hoping that he’ll give her a peak at her Unity Day gift and share a piece of candy with her. She’s a typical six year old, full of curiosity and mischief - but as clever as the day is long. She knows exactly how to carry herself, independent as hell. She definitely got that from Clarke.

Harper and Monty arrive soon after. Harper’s belly is growing every day and Clarke can’t help but feel a little emotional when Madi presses her ear against it, hoping beyond all hope that she’ll feel the baby kick. Harper beams at her, a fond look on her expression as she tells Madi how she’s going to be such a big inspiration to the new arrival.

By the time Miller and Jackson have turned up, Madi’s gifts on the living room table are matched in quantity with the Secret Santa gifts. They’ve always spoiled her and Clarke can’t help but feel fuzzy at the thought. These are her best friends in the whole world and they were there for Clarke every step of the way during her pregnancy and every moment thereafter.

Bellamy is a few minutes late but when Madi opens the door to him, she can’t even see his face with the size of her present.

"Bellamy," Clarke scolds him lightly, leaning against the living room door frame as he comes in the front door. The smile on her face betrays her tone, though. It’s not like he can hear her anyway, Madi’s screams are deafening.

"What is it?" She jumps up and down on the spot as Bellamy eases his way in to the living room.

"Why do you always have to outdo us, man?" Murphy jokes from his place on the couch and the rest of them laugh.

"Just a natural talent," Bellamy quirks, bending to give Madi the biggest hug.

Clarke can’t ignore the warmth that washes over her heart when she sees Madi’s little arms curl around the back of his neck. She has to shake herself when she realises she’s staring, but God, she can’t help it. Bellamy’s long, dark curls flop over his brows, almost obscuring his vision, and his muscled biceps stretch against the fabric of his black sweater. He looks up at Clarke and smiles, like he always does when her daughter hugs him, and his brown eyes melt her. No-one should be this perfect.

When Madi finally releases him, he slips her gift onto the table next to the others and subtly places his Secret Santa gift beside it. Clarke wonders who he got. Every year, despite her constant enquiries, he never lets it slip.

He wraps one arm around Clarke’s shoulder in greeting, pressing a kiss to her forehead. The heat of it lingers, tingling against her skin like he’s magic. Goosebumps rise on her arms, like they always do when he’s around, and she wishes that their normal friendly interactions meant as much to Bellamy as it does to her.

Murphy, Bellamy and Miller unload the tree after everyone catches up and the smell of fresh pine is sharp in Clarke’s living room in no time at all. The blazing fire makes the place feel cozy and festive and the remnants of the snow outside melts off the tree in little droplets.

Unity Day is officially in full swing.

Clarke starts bringing the decorations up from the basement while listening to her friends laughter filling the house. Soon, little brown boxes full of tinsel and baubles litter the living room floor and Madi is weaving in and out between them. Her excitement is palpable, bursting from her every pore as she soaks up the attention from her second family.

"Can we get pizza now, mom?" Madi wonders, tucking a long piece of brown hair behind her ear.

"Already?" Clarke chuckles, fishing for money in the back of her jeans pocket.

"We got this." Miller winks at Clarke, beckoning Jackson and Madi to follow him out the front door.

Clarke gives him a thankful look while Madi wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist for a quick hug. "Bye mom!"

"Don’t miss me too much," Clarke teases but her little girl has already shot out of the room.

"Remember when she went through that clingy phase?" Bellamy is suddenly at her side, a bunch of Christmas lights in his hands as he makes an effort to detangle them.

Clarke grins. "Vaguely."

"She was what, ten months?" Bellamy smirks, half crooked like always. Clarke wishes her stomach would stop flipping when he did that.

"Nine," she corrects him. "She’d only stay with me or you, that was it."

Raven had been so disappointed when Madi would cry in her arms, stretching out her tiny fingers to Bellamy so he’d take her back. Now, Madi would go with fairies, it seems.

"That’s because Bellamy practically lived here," Raven chimes in, clearly after overhearing the conversation. "Madi saw him all the time."

"I did not," Bellamy protests. "I just helped out a little, a couple of days a week."

"A couple of days a week?" Clarke laughs, the others chuckling out the same sentence in time with her.

"Yes!" Bellamy stares at them all wide eyed, a playful defence in his tone.

"Since when does a couple mean seven?" Monty jeers.

"It was not seven days a week." Bellamy shakes his head, grinning lightly as he goes back to detangling the lights.

"When you were using my house for laundry, it was definitely seven," Clarke says, countering him on the subject.

"Are we remembering the same thing?" Bellamy bumps his shoulder lightly off of hers.

"Asshole." Clarke shoves him back with more force and it draws out a bigger laugh from Bellamy.

He knows it’s the truth. He’s been there for everything, especially in the first year. Clarke was a new mom, single and without any family to help her. At every turn, every tantrum, every sleepless night - there was Bellamy. Her other friends helped when they could, carved out time from their busy schedules in order to make her life easier - but nobody gave as much time as Bellamy did.

Madi even called him ‘dad’ once. That had been a tough one to explain to her, mainly because her actual dad has never been in the picture and Bellamy was more a father to her than anyone. Clarke wishes that Bellamy was her dad - he’s good at it and he’d never choose his own personal desires over his child. That’s not who he is. Not like Madi's biological father.

"And yet, look who the favourite is now." Murphy outstretches his arms.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Bellamy winks at him, full of assurance and condescending smiles.

It’s true - Murphy may be Madi’s favourite out of Clarke’s friends, but Bellamy isn’t really in that category and they all know it. He’s been more family to Madi than anything and if it’s a competition, Bellamy wins every time.

"You’ll always be my favourite, babe." Raven nudges Murphy on the couch, a fond look in her eyes. Clarke doesn’t miss the way Murphy’s cheeks blush a little before pressing a soft, chaste kiss to his girlfriend’s lips.

"I’m Madi’s favourite too, even if Blake won’t admit it." He grins, earning him a swift kick to his boot from Bellamy as he crosses the room to the tree.

"You wanna take this outside?" Bellamy jokes, a slight grin plastered on his expression as he stretches out the various tiny lightbulbs in his hands.

"For you to get beat again?" Murphy pops his feet onto Clarke’s coffee table, stretching himself across the couch. Raven sinks further underneath his arm, watching her boyfriend and Bellamy with amusement.

‘"That’s an exaggeration," Monty states, taking a sip of his soda.

"Did I, or did I not, knock Blake off his feet that night?" Murphy questions.

"That was one time and it was a cheap shot," Bellamy points out.

"Come on, admit it, just this once," Murphy says. "I got you."

Harper, Clarke and Raven all giggle. They might as well joke about it now, considering how long ago it was. Still, Clarke knows what else happened that night - how the boys even ended up fighting in the first place and the thought twists her stomach a little.

She remembers that night perfectly. The way the drizzle of rain surrounded them, flicking cold water against her face in sporadic drops. The outside light above Grounders shone around Bellamy’s head like a halo, allowing her to see each strand of his dark curls. His mouth was pulled into a tight line, concern held securely behind those brown eyes of his when he grabbed her arm.

_"What’s your rush?" he asks, stopping Clarke from escaping home._

_Raven’s words are still ringing in her ears and she feels tingly from them. The conversation had been fluid, the gut wrenching admission slipping into the air like it was nothing at all._

_Miller had been goading and teasing Bellamy over his skill with the ladies. He had made some statement about the build up being better than the act itself when Bellamy takes girls home. It was all in jest but Miller would do anything to get a laugh out of the group._ _Clarke wasn’t really listening, though, too busy checking her phone because Cillian had messaged her about hooking up._

_"Admit it," Miller prompted. "You can talk girls into bed like a fluent language but your chat is better than your performance."_

_"It’s definitely the other way around," Raven had laughed, oblivious to the effect it had on Clarke - because that caught her attention._

_Her head popped up, catching the way Bellamy’s head ducked with an embarrassed grin as Raven bumped her shoulder off of his._ _Clarke has had a crush on Bellamy for so long, has gotten so used to her secret that she forgot all about masking the heartbreak on her face._

_They slept together?_

_The realisation was crushing, confusing and utterly devastating. Bellamy sleeps with so many women but Raven? They’re friends._ _Maybe it was the jealousy that out of everyone in their friend group, he chose Raven. Maybe the worst part of it all was that Clarke wasn’t even an option for him._

_Clarke had grabbed her coat from the back of her chair, muttered something about being up early for work in the morning and practically fell out of Grounders._

_The gentle pressure of Bellamy’s fingers around her arm was the only thing to stop her and with her emotions running so high, she can’t really help herself in letting them show now._

_"You slept with Raven?" she chokes out, the words sounding even worse out in the open than they do in her head._

_Bellamy’s brow pinches together, a look of bewilderment washing over his features._

_"Um, yeah. A couple of weeks ago," he says, his tone suggesting that he doesn’t know why it matters so much to Clarke._

_Clarke purses her lips, shoving her hands into her coat pockets as she shakes her head. It shouldn’t hurt this much - Bellamy has no idea how she feels and Raven didn’t do it or say it to hurt anyone, it was just something that clearly happened and they feel they can joke about it now._ _It’s not like Clarke has made her feelings clear to anyone._

_"What’s wrong?" Bellamy steps forward but Clarke moves backwards, the hurt curling around her intestines and squeezing so hard that she feels sick._

_She’s in this so far now so her only solution is to lie about her reaction, come up with some way of getting out of admitting the real reason behind her hostility._

_"Friends hooking up is a bad idea," she bites out, watching Bellamy’s eyes narrow. "What if this causes a divide between us all?"_

_"Clarke, it meant nothing," Bellamy tells her, his eyes pinning her to where she stands._

_Laughter of the outside smokers falls in as background noise. The cold air makes Clarke tug at her grey duster coat to make it tighter around her chest._

_She has to dig further._ _The jealousy bubbling inside her takes control, yearning to know more. Desperate to discover if he’s actually into Raven - and well, why wouldn’t he be? She’s smart, beautiful, funny. Clarke adores Raven, she really does - she just didn’t think Bellamy saw her that way._

_"So why bother?"_

_"Raven…" he begins, shoving a hand through his already disheveled curls. He sighs, like he’s collecting himself before continuing. "An ex of hers turned up at her apartment, claiming Raven owed him money. She made a mistake at work that almost cost her job and she just felt like crap," he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "So she asked if I was free for a drink - one thing led to another, it just happened."_

_Clarke swallows. Has she really been so wrapped up in her own life that she hasn’t noticed when her friends are struggling? College has been taking up so much of Clarke’s schedule lately and she’s been spending time with her friends from her classes. She has been hooking up with a few people to distract her from Bellamy and has clearly been so busy and absent that one of her best friends couldn’t even talk to her. The guilt floors her._

_She thinks she remembers Raven calling a couple of weeks ago, wondering if she wanted to go for a drink. Clarke was at Cillian’s that night, a guy who she really has no interest in seeing, he’s just a bit of fun and he thinks of her the same way if his text tonight was anything to go by. She had promised Raven that they’d catch up soon but damn it, her friend needed her that night. And instead, she clearly turned to Bellamy._

_"It’s not like we’re going to keep it up or anything." Bellamy blows out a visible breath, a white puff that gives the cold its evidence._

_"Okay." Clarke shrugs like she doesn’t care but her entire body language is screaming that she does._

_"Okay," he drags out. "Well, what’s this about?" Bellamy squints at her, tone defensive. "I mean, is there something-"_

_Clarke is spared the rest of that sentence because of Murphy’s fist connecting with the side of Bellamy’s face. The slap from the punch echoes down the street and Bellamy stumbles from the contact. He wasn’t ready for it and neither was she._

_"Murphy!" Clarke screams._

Turns out, Murphy had been smoking outside of Grounders and heard the whole thing.

Bellamy had straightened himself just in time to block his next punch. Miller and the others arrived outside soon after to separate the two of them and Bellamy scored himself a nice gash on the top of his cheek.

For months, everyone (including Murphy) put the incident down to just having a little too much to drink. Eventually, though, it came out that Murphy was experiencing the same emotion as Clarke that night: jealousy.

He had been in love with Raven for a long time.

By the time the truth came out, Clarke was already pregnant with Madi. She had left that night after the altercation and went straight to Cillian’s and really - the rest is history.

"It was a good punch." Bellamy smirks. "But you know, if you shifted your weight when you threw it, it might have actually hurt."

Clarke smiles fondly, her eyes on Bellamy as the rest of the group laugh out loud at the quirk. They’re past it now and they can look back on it as a funny memory. She takes out another tray of glass baubles from the box as she watches the back and forth between the two of them.

"Hurt enough to leave you a nice shiner." Murphy smirks right back, taking a slug of his drink. Raven pats his chest as she giggles, looking comfortable underneath her boyfriend’s arm. Things turned out alright in the end, clearly.

"Whatever you say. Just control your jealousy better in future." Bellamy rolls his eyes lightly, refocusing his attention on detangling the lights.

"From what I remember, I wasn’t the only one jealous that night," Murphy says like a reflex and Clarke freezes. He seems to clock his error immediately, stopping his bottle of soda at his lips before shifting his eyes to Clarke’s.

The room falls completely silent in half a second.

"What?" Bellamy asks, brow pinched in the exact same way as it was that night outside Grounders.

The quiet is deafening, a soft ringing pouring through the air. Or maybe it’s only Clarke who can hear it. Murphy’s eyes are jumping, clearly desperate to find a way to correct himself but the silence is stretching out too long.

A loud crash erupts in the room and everyone jumps, several pairs of eyes landing on Clarke in that moment who has let the entire tray of glass baubles fall to the floor. Pieces of colourful Christmas glass now lie in pieces around her feet.

"Oops," she says, like she hadn’t purposefully thrown the baubles to the floor to distract from this conversation. She feels Bellamy’s heavy gaze on her and when he takes a step forward, Clarke springs into action.

"Don’t worry, I got it."

She avoids his eyes as she leaves the room. Her heart is belting against her ribcage as she makes her way into the kitchen to retrieve the dustpan. She lets a breath escape audibly once she’s alone, her shaking hands pulling open cabinets that definitely don’t contain the broom. As if this isn’t her house, as if she doesn’t know where it is - but that’s not where her mind is right now. That was too close.

"Clarke," Murphy hisses at her from behind and she spins around. "I’m sorry, I didn’t-"

"Jesus, Murphy!" Clarke exasperates.

"I know." He holds his hands up in surrender. "I know. I need to watch my mouth."

Clarke slumps back against the counter, blowing out a hard breath. She presses her fingers against her eyes. She’s not sure what she’d do if Bellamy discovered everything. As scared as she was for him to know how she felt back then, she’s even more terrified now. She needs him more than ever - he’s her rock, her anchor. These past few years haven’t always been easy and she’s leaned on him more times than she can count.

If her stupid feelings ruined their friendship…God, _she can’t lose him._

"You made a successful distraction anyway." Murphy opens the cabinet door to pull out the broom, a clear sign that they all spend too much time here. They know where everything is kept. "But between you and me, you can’t hide your feelings about Bellamy forever."

"I’ve done a pretty good job of it so far," she mutters. The sound of their friends conversations and laughter drifts down the hall, signifying that everything has returned to normal.

"How long have you been in love with him? Seven years now?"

"Eight," Clarke corrects him, her voice muffled through her hands as she cups her face. She’s still trying to calm her heart rate down.

Murphy simply laughs, his amusement of this clear as day.

"Don’t know what you’re laughing at. You were in the same boat with Raven," Clarke reminds him.

"Not for eight years, I wasn’t."

Clarke rolls her eyes. She should never have told Murphy. The results of too much wine and being the last ones standing after a night in Grounders a couple of years ago.

"Look, all I’m saying is it might be worth telling him." He shrugs, leaning against the broom in his hand.

Clarke gives him a pointed look. "Nobody is telling Bellamy anything."

"I _told_ Raven and look at us now," Murphy says and Clarke feels a pinch of jealousy. She’d kill for what they have. The love, the affection, the want from both sides of the party. She shakes her head, dismissing the thought.

"Didn’t you and I have this discussion already?" Clarke sighs. "Bellamy doesn’t see me like that."

He quirks a brow at her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." She folds her arms across herself, feeling the disappointment of that fact swell inside her chest. "Why would he trade his lifestyle for this?"

Bellamy enjoys his freedom - and so he should. Clarke’s not stupid. Just because she doesn’t ask or like to hear about it, doesn’t mean she’s oblivious to the fact that he brings girls home regularly. Why would he give that up for Clarke? For someone whose first priority will always be Madi? Her daughter has never been and never will be a burden on Clarke, but she’s a big responsibility. _Her responsibility._

She wouldn’t have it any other way.

The person who chooses to spend their life with Clarke will have to choose Madi as well, and even though Bellamy worships the ground Madi walks on, Clarke could never ask him to do that.

"I’m just saying..." Murphy says casually and Clarke groans.

"No. I’m not telling him. And neither are you," she warns.

"Relax, Princess." Murphy’s blasé tone flows across the kitchen. "I got you covered."

"Keep your tongue tight, then!" she calls after him as he leaves the kitchen. He simply waves his hand at her without looking back, disappearing down her hallway and back into the living room with the broom.

"Mom! We’re back!" Madi’s little voice fills the house after the sound of the front door banging shut.

Clarke smiles, reminding herself what tonight is meant to be about. She takes two deep breaths before following Murphy out of the kitchen.

Tonight is not the night to be worrying about Bellamy. She’s accepted their fate of being just friends a long time ago. There’s no point in even exploring that avenue, she’s considered it too many times before and just came up with the exact same answer. She can’t risk it.

He’s not into her. And that’s that.

Besides, she has more important things to be focusing on. This is Madi’s favourite night of the entire year - and her happiness right now is enough for Clarke.

* * *

Once everyone is finished with their pizza and the tree is officially dressed and decorated for Christmas, Madi’s favourite part of the night begins.

"Present time!" she announces, pure and utter glee in her tone.

"Alright, alright," Clarke relents with a laugh, tousling Madi’s brown hair as she passes her to retrieve the gifts on the table.

The little lights sparkle from the Christmas tree, winking at them all as the group gets comfortable. Madi always opens her gifts first, that’s the deal. The fire cracks and the glow of soft lights set the mood, like the entire room is waiting for something magical to happen.

Clarke shifts her eyes to Bellamy as they gather around, always seeking him out like a bad habit. He’s staring at a spot on the floor, lost in his own thoughts. Clarke wonders what he’s thinking about - he’s been unusually quiet the past hour.

"This one first!" Madi declares, grabbing Bellamy’s gift from the pile.

Clarke chuckles, looking at Bellamy again and expecting to see the same wide grin on his face. Instead, she finds him smiling softly at Madi. She’s so used to their eyes drifting to one another at the exact same time. It’s not like him to be avoiding her gaze - but maybe she’s just reading too much into it.

"Wow!" Madi gasps, tearing open the gold foil paper to reveal a treasure chest.

"Bellamy," Clarke scolds him, knowing full well that there’s gifts inside the chest too. He doesn’t even flick a glance in her direction. Clarke’s brows pinch together - what’s with him?

"Open it up, sweetie," Harper encourages her, bending down beside Madi while holding her bump.

Madi, needing no further prompting, clicks open the treasure chest to find an assortment of gifts. Clarke peers over Madi’s shoulder, sensing the excitement and wonder off her. There’s a few books inside, probably about Greek Mythology knowing Bellamy. He had gotten Madi into it at a young age, desperate to pass down the same knowledge to her as he did with his younger sister, Octavia. Clarke also spots a stuffed unicorn inside, a few colouring books and crayons, board games and a few craft sets. And that’s only the stuff visible at the top.

"You spoil her." Clarke smiles, reaching out and touching his arm. She feels him stiffen under her touch. There’s definitely something she’s missing here - they platonically touch each other all the time and never in her life has she gotten a reaction like that.

"She deserves it," he mumbles, eyes still on her daughter.

Madi jumps up in that moment and springs her arms around Bellamy, gushing her gratitude at him. He bends, picking her up under the arms and lifts her up to his height. Clarke can see Madi’s little arms squeezing the back of his neck and she waits for Bellamy to meet Clarke's gaze, pride behind his eyes like always - but he doesn’t. He tucks his nose into Madi’s shoulder, like he’s seeking comfort. Like he’s suddenly realising how important this little girl is to him.

Clarke feels the dread fill at the bottom of her stomach and she’s not sure why. She’s never seen Bellamy avoid her eye before, never seen him look like his world is ending. Has something happened? She recovers quickly, trying not to focus on how disconnected he is with her, how strange he’s acting, and lets herself get washed away with Madi’s happiness. She tears open the rest of her presents in quick haste, revealing beautiful things from her friends.

Madi adores anything she can make with her hands, loves spending her spare time making things out of clay or painting. Must be another thing she inherited from Clarke. Her friends know her daughter so well, surprising her with wonderful presents like craft boxes, a new set of paint brushes, charcoal and a baking kit.

"Thank you all so much," Clarke says after Madi has opened the last one.

To her credit, Madi has hugged every single one of them in turn - full of manners and gratitude. It was Bellamy who always prompted _please_ and _thank you’s_. It was Clarke who talked to Madi about helping those less fortunate, organising acts of charity throughout the years that Madi could help with. Bellamy always showed both Clarke and Madi respect and love, teaching from example. They've _both_ raised Madi to be the kind little girl she has turned into, and yet tonight, he won’t share that pride with Clarke like he usually does.

Clarke looks for his eyes again, willing him to look at her but he’s staring contently at Madi.

"Secret Santa next," Miller announces, grabbing his gift for Murphy.

The time passes quickly, little pieces of wrapping paper discarded everywhere as everyone makes their way through the gifts. Raven adored her red leather jacket, pulling Clarke into a massive hug.

"Bellamy helped me choose it," she admits, feeling a little guilty for taking all the credit.

Even at the mention of his name, he doesn’t look at her. Clarke suddenly feels a little emotional - she is definitely not reading too much into things. This isn’t like Bellamy. He is normally looking at her first before she ever meets his eye. Her heart splinters a little, wondering what she could have possibly done to upset him.

Her gift is the last one left and clearly, since he hasn’t given anyone else a present, Bellamy was her Secret Santa. He hands it to her, eyes focused on the action rather than her. When Clarke takes it, she gently squeezes his hand during the swap.

Finally, _finally_ , his eyes snap to hers.

"You okay?" she whispers, concern flooding her expression.

He nods, a smile that is too forced coming onto his face. "Fine."

"Come on Clarke, open it," Jackson encourages, oblivious to the awkwardness between her and Bellamy.

She makes herself detach her stare away from him, ignoring how tightly her gut twists. She gently opens the gift, Madi right beside her shoulder. She seems more excited to see what Bellamy bought Clarke than anyone.

When Clarke sees the present, her heart literally stops in her chest.

"Wow!" Madi beams. "Mom, you look so beautiful here!"

Clarke’s eyes rake over the photo. It’s contained in a simple white frame, perfect down to the last detail. The photo is of her and Bellamy, taken last year by Raven during a trip to the Christmas markets in the next town over. Clarke had almost forgotten about it. They had driven over in Murphy’s truck, just the four of them. Harper and Monty had volunteered to babysit Madi for a few hours while Bellamy, Murphy, Raven and Clarke had a night to explore the stands of mulled wine, cinnamon rolls and tree decorations.

In the photo, Clarke has her chin popped over Bellamy’s shoulder. He’s wearing his grey beanie while Clarke is wearing her cream one, strings of fairy lights behind them like the perfect winter backdrop. She’s sticking her tongue out and Bellamy isn’t even looking at the camera, but his face is pressed against hers.

It had been so cold that night, evident by their red noses in the photo. But God, it’s the most beautiful picture Clarke has ever seen. Her heart pounds, drumming a tattoo against her chest. It was such a fun night, full of laughter and friendship and love.

"Bellamy," she whispers, still examining every inch of the photo. It’s such a simple gift but it means everything to her. _It’s them._

"That’s gorgeous," Harper coos, the others dropping compliments in turns afterwards. Clarke is glad of it because she can’t seem to form a formidable sentence.

When she looks up at Bellamy, he’s already looking at her and she feels her head swim. This is what’s been missing the last couple of hours - his attention. She feels stupid for even missing it but she can’t help it. She’s so wrapped up in relief that she almost misses _the way_ he’s looking at her.

It’s like now that he’s let himself, he can’t look away. Like he’s looking right into her soul, like he knows all of the secrets of the world and is dying to tell her.

She wonders how much longer she can fight this. For the first time in their friendship, Clarke really considers telling Bellamy how she feels. She’s often danced with the thought of it, especially before Madi was born. But now, the risk of losing him shouts louder. Tonight though, that voice is as silent as the grave. She chalks it down to the emotion of the moment.

When she stands to hug him, she’s wary - it’s an unusual feeling. She has never once hesitated when it came to being physical with him but maybe his standoffish behaviour has thrown her. Maybe she's nervous he won't reciprocate the affection.

All doubt vanishes when she collapses against Bellamy's chest because he squeezes her tightly and tucks his face into the crook of her neck. It feels normal, despite his previous behaviour.

"Thank you," she whispers against his ear, inhaling the scent of him that makes her feel safe.

"You’re welcome, Princess," he says, voice rough and tingle inducing.

It’s too soon when their hug ends and Clarke has to take a breath before she can turn away from him. Madi takes her attention after that and she’s glad of the distraction - she definitely shouldn’t be left alone with her thoughts right now because if she was, she’s afraid that she might end up telling Bellamy.

The moment will pass, though. It always does.

* * *

Madi grows tired after another half an hour of socialising. She has burnt herself out, now crashing from the excitement and hustle of the night. She can barely keep her eyes open.

Clarke watches Madi bid each of their friends goodnight with a warm hug and then Clarke puts her to bed, rubbing her hair for a total of five minutes before her daughter is out for the count. She kisses her softly, thanking every deity out there for her and closes the bedroom door.

Downstairs, her friends have their coats on, ready to brave the winter roads to their own beds.

"Be safe," Clarke tells them in turn, thanking them all for such a great night and planting kisses on their cheeks. She really feels like the luckiest girl alive tonight. Unity Day always brings the best feelings.

Once everyone has left, Clarke finds Bellamy picking up pieces of wrapping paper in her living room and depositing them into a rubbish bag. The soft lights of the Christmas tree create a soft glow around the room and Clarke wills her heart to be steady.

"I can do that," Clarke offers but she already knows Bellamy won’t let her do it alone. He stays behind every year to help clean up.

"I got it," he tells her, not unkind. Just not Bellamy.

They work together in silence, the odd crack of the fire being their only companion until Clarke physically can’t take it anymore.

"Bellamy?" She straightens, a piece of wrapping in her hand. He straightens too, looking at her expectantly. "Are you okay?"

She can physically see his shoulders tensing. "Yeah, of course."

"Really? You’re a little quiet tonight and I don’t know..." She shrugs. "I guess I just know when something is wrong."

Bellamy blows out air from his lungs in a loud whoosh, flicking his hair out of his eyes. He drops the rubbish bag and puts his hands on his hips, like he’s readying himself for what’s coming. Clarke rubs her arms nervously, eyes on him while she waits.

"You remember when you came to my old apartment down on Valley Street? That night when you told me you were pregnant?"

Clarke furrows her brow. Where is he going with this?

"Yeah, kind of," Clarke says. "It’s a bit of a blur."

She was so scared, out of her mind after her discovery. Bellamy was the first person she told after Cillian. What does this have to do with how he is being tonight? Bellamy shakes his head, a disbelieving smile on his face as he bites his lip.

"Everything seemed so normal, at first," he says. "You were a little distant but ultimately, it was just like normal. We watched Harry Potter and made popcorn on top of that old stove I had, the one that wouldn’t keep warm."

How does he remember this so clearly? It was like, seven years ago. Still, she nods for him to go on.

"I just looked over at you and you were so focused on the movie, so wrapped up in what was happening," he breathes. "You were so _beautiful_. And I just knew I had to tell you."

Clarke’s breath catches somewhere in her throat. _Tell her what?_

She can’t speak, can only stare at the man in front of her. He looks nervous and a little annoyed at himself. The Christmas lights glisten around the glittering baubles behind him, making this conversation seem less tense than it actually is.

"You looked at me." His eyes lock on hers. "And I opened my mouth to tell you that I was in love with you…"

Clarke pales. He doesn’t continue, letting the silence thicken the air around them. _He was in love with her_. She knows the ending to this story now and she feels sick.

"And I told you I was pregnant," she finishes for him, her voice a mere whisper.

He nods, closing his eyes.

The moment flies back to Clarke - her legs sticking to Bellamy’s old leather couch, the way her heart pounded, the fear bubbling inside of her. She blurted it out in the middle of the movie, unable to hold it in anymore. She didn’t cry, didn’t scream, didn’t do anything except wait for Bellamy to tell her that everything would be okay.

Which he did.

Cillian wanted nothing to do with the baby, too focused on his career path and getting through college - but Bellamy promised her that she’d never have to do it alone, that he’d always be there for her and they’d work it out, _together._ She just never imagined that she interrupted his own personal confession.

"Bellamy," she manages to say, thoughts of what they could have been turning in her mind.

She doesn’t regret her past - if things were different, she’d never have had Madi. But still, Bellamy loved her once. At the same time that she loved him. The taste of it makes her want to cry. They were like two ships passing in the night.

"Why are you telling me this?" she wonders, her voice cracking. What does it matter now? It was a long time ago.

"Because I’m still in love with you," he admits, as easy as if he’s just telling Clarke about the weather. His dark curls cover his brows but nothing hides the sincerity on his face.

For a second, Clarke isn’t sure she’s heard him right. As his words catch up to her, she knows her eyes have started to tear up. She’s heard of Christmas miracles before and damn it, if this isn’t one of them, she’s not sure what is.

He takes a step towards her. "And tonight, I learned that you’re in love with me, too."

"Murphy told you?" Clarke whispers, not knowing whether to kill him or worship him.

"No," Bellamy shakes his head, still walking slowly towards Clarke. "I was coming to help you in the kitchen when I heard you say it yourself."

He must have standing in the hallway, out of sight behind the kitchen door. She didn’t even spot him when she was walking back to the living room. No wonder he was acting so strange - it was a massive blow, a shock to the system - something that couldn’t be unravelled in the space of a couple of hours. Clarke knows because she feels like that right now - hearing that he’s in love with her, it hasn’t even hit her yet.

"I didn’t say anything, all this time. You had Madi to think about and you never dated anyone - I just thought you didn’t want any of that right now, not while Madi was still so young."

Clarke swallows thickly. He put her and her daughter first, before himself. God, he’s the best man to ever walk this Earth. _And he loves her._ How is this real?

He’s right in front of her now, his breath hot against the skin on her face. She lets her eyes drift to his lips for a moment before pulling them back up to his eyes. Their warm, certain and full of everything she ever dreamed of seeing. He’s looking at her like she has saved the entire human race from an apocalypse - but maybe he always looked at her like that and she has never seen it. Never thought to look for it.

"I thought I was just a friend to you, and that was okay. I still wanted to be there for you because God, Clarke." He half laughs. 'I love you and I love Madi like she’s my own. Even if you didn’t want me the way I wanted you."

"Bellamy…" Clarke begins but he keeps going.

"And then I heard you say that you’ve been in love with me for eight years," he shakes his head. "And I hate myself for wasting so much time, for not telling you sooner."

" _Bellamy_ ," Clarke tries again, more force this time.

"What?" he breathes, slightly panting.

"Kiss me," she exasperates, her eyes flicking between his lips and his eyes. She needs it, can't stand another second without it. _Needs something to prove that this is actually happening, that she's not dreaming._

Bellamy stops, like it’s just registering with him now that he can actually do it. His pause only lasts a few seconds before he’s surging forward, meeting her lips like he's starving for it. Warmth bursts through Clarke’s body and the world tips off balance, but Bellamy’s hands are there to steady her - holding her face with such a passion that it makes every other kiss in Clarke’s life seem irrelevant.

He’s in love with her and she’s in love with him. Everything seems right in the world.

When they break away, Bellamy doesn’t go far. He rests his head against hers, noses brushing. His eyes are still closed, like he’s basking in this as much as she is.

"Merry Christmas, Clarke."

She huffs out a laugh in a puff of air, disbelief still swimming around her veins. "Merry Christmas, Bell."

Best Unity Day ever.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](http://eyessharpweaponshot.tumblr.com) and as always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> You can find the [aesthetic](https://chopped100challenge.tumblr.com/post/189884925529/kiss-me-babe-its-christmas-time-story-by) for this fic here.
> 
> Peace and love to you all 💛


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